i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
