But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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