Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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