If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
