she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
