I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
