he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
