just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
