Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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