Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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