If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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