it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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