shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
