You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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