she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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