Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
