I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
