I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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