id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
