I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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