Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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