You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
