Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
