I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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