i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
