your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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