apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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