Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
