So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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