Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
