we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cover your peen. We're going out.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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