He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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