don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize