so explain again why im purple
no
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
