I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
