I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
