My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
