Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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