I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
