i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
