What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
