So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He told me they were just razor bumps!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
