So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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