Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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