He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
