I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
