I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
