Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
