none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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