I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
