Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
