we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
