there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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