Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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