Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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