My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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