Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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