I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
