Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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