when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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