There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
