the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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