Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
