Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
