I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it penis luge time yet?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize