i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
