I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
