Is it normal to miss your booty call?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
