I think I died a long time ago.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
