so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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